After About Two Years...

So as it can been seen on the title, it has been about two years since I have posted anything on here. Well, the reason why I had created this blog in the first place was because I wanted a place where I can say (in this case write) whatever I want or am feeling, without actually voicing out to people (I'm lazy like that sometimes). So to summarize it, it's a place for me to rant or b**** about people without much people knowing. Hahahaha!

Well, since it has been such a long time, this only means I had been living a happy life so far without anything major that had affected me so much till the extent I had to vent it out! And if you think that something bad must have happened recently and that's why I am here writing, then YOU'RE WRONG! COMPLETELY WRONG (or not... depends on how you see it)!

Anyhow, the reason why I had decided to write today is because I realized how ironic I can be. Like everyone else, I tend to say one thing and then do the other. What made me really feel bad is that I would always ask people to be honest and tell me directly if I ever offend them or make them unhappy in one way or another and in return, I would do the same. I really like it when people are just plain honest with me, and even though I find it hard to accept some of the comments or opinions they have, I will still try and listen to it (ok, maybe not as I will always end up complaining about it) because I genuinely want to know how they really feel. I'm no psychic and I don't want to spend all day thinking (I don't have much brain cells to begin with) if I had just offended somebody unknowingly and feel all miserable and sad and blah blah blah... And then all the drama and misunderstandings...

But something happened today and it made me realized that I didn't (or more like couldn't) do as I said I would, which practically just made me a lying, two-faced b****. I mean, come on, sometimes it is just easier said than done. I can be all honest with someone when someone had done something that I find it weird or it had offended me or for another other weird reasons, but I do not want to hurt someone's feeling. I'm mean, but not THAT MEAN. I do not need someone talking bad about me behind my back when I was just being plain honest with them. Trust me, that feeling s**ks because I had already been through that. Although I really want to be honest with them, I'm still afraid of being judged. Well, many of you would say that it's best to keep your opinion to yourself in these cases , and let's just say you're so talkative to the extend you wouldn't be able to keep it to yourself, you have to tell someone right? Righttt??? I'm like that. So I'll somehow would end up telling some other people and it automatically becomes the situation where I am bad-mouthing about that someone! Then those people that I had talked to would notice this notice that and slowly but surely, that person who was once our topic would get ignored and pushed away and that person would be hurt cause he/she had just lost his/her friends for reasons they do not know of... That does not solve the problem, like at all! I might as well had went up to that person and said 'I don't wanna be your friend anymore!' and stormed away, if that was what I wanted. All I want is to get what I'm feeling out of my system and possibly see if anything can be done (to stop myself from being irritated with them) but I do not want to hurt their feelings (truth hurts) because I still want them as my friends!

Sighhh... I don't want to be an hypocrite! 

How can I be honest with someone and not hurt them? I guess that's one of the questions I would never be able to answer to.